Don't try this at home...

I attempted the Mel's Diner Mega Mel... and... well... why rush to the end,,, As you all know, This past Saturday, February 9th, 2013, at 2pm CST, I attempted the Mega Mel Challenge.  The challenge: if you consume the entire Mega Mel burger along with trimmings in two hours, your name will be inscribed on Mel's wall of glory... and the honored dead of Skyrim will sing songs of you in Sovngarde.  Well, the Sovngarde stuff is my embellishment... but I guarantee it will be so if you finish this culinary monster.

Mel's diner... actually, Mel's Country Cafe is located at 24814 STANOLIND RD about one hour and 20 minutes from downtown Houston.  The drive out was an enjoyable trip. I kept thinking of my plan. I had only had one meal the day before.  I stayed up later so that I cold sleep in on Saturday and easily skip breakfast.  Needless to say, I was very hungry when I got to the cafe.

Evidence to Mel's popularity, the place was packed, but the wait was not very long.  Several friends, family members, and even a friend from work showed up, but seating was difficult that day due to the crowd.  My friend from work, and my sister are regulars, and they were surprised to see it so full, but, though I would have like for all of us to have sat together,  I am glad that the diner was crowded, because Mel's Country Cafe deserves to be very popular and do good business... they take food seriously. If you are anywhere in Northwest Houston, you HAVE to try Mel's.  My sister got the fried catfish... and when I got a whiff of it, and saw the huge portion, I sort of wished I was getting that.. then they brought a chicken frined steak to another table.. and I wished I was getting that...  I will be going back... quite a bit... it will be worth the drive... and they have many country dishes I HAVE TO TRY.

 

Then my Mega Mel arrived... the Mega Mel Burger is 1.5 pounds of juicy ground meat divided into five patties (if memory serves).  between each burger is a slice of cheese that melts and coats each patty in cheesy glaze.  Atop these patties is a pound of bacon... not the paper thin bacon you get with breakfast at your typical greasy spoon... this is a pound of thick cut Texas bacon.  The meat sits upon a shredded head of lettuce, about one and a half sliced tomatoes and onions and pickles.  The bun is pretty much just for show... but you still got to eat it.

 

I had not really been daunted until I saw it.. it was indeed huge... the first true Mega ANYTHING I had ever seen that deserved the name... but I had my plan. 

 

I slowly removed the saber-like tooth picks and slid the meat to its own plate.  My idea was to eat as fast as I could; thinking I could 'pshyc out' my stomach... This was a mistake.  I can eat A LOT of food... ask anyone who knows me.  I often try not to eat large amounts of food, because I'm a tad heavier than I should be, but when I get in my groove, I can eat some food.  I should not have changed that.  I should have trusted my groove.  I grabbed two burger patties an wolfed them down really fast.  Then I ate some bacon.  During all this time I'm chewing faster than I usually do, and I'm chewing a lot.  I had not expected the bacon to be so thick.  I had to chew a lot on it.  Then, I ate some lettuce and tomato.  Next, I made another 'sandwich' with lettuce, tomato and bacon, using burger patties as a bun.  I started trying to eat this as fast as I could, and then it hit.. the wall... my jaw was killing me, and my stomach started to let me know that it was not happy.  At that point I knew I wasn't going to make it.  My brother-in-law says I made it about a third of the way through, and I will defer to his assessment, I wasn't really paying attention... It seemed that the more I chewed the more there was yet to chew... it didn't seem to me that I was even making a dent.  Fifteen minutes in.. I threw in the towel, and the Mega Mel Burger had beaten me... but it was a lot of fun, and I was glad to have been able to share this friends and family.

It's On!!!!!

Well, blogger fans, I can put it off no longer... Saturday, February 9th 2pm... Tomball, TX... I will take on the Mega Mel Burger challenge.  This is the first of what I hope to be many food challenge. 

http://www.melscountrycafe.com/mega.html

At first, I had doubts as to whether I could do this... more important, I had doubts as to whether I SHOULD do this.  Now that I've set a date, and people are cheering me on... I'm sort of jazzed....

My strategy is to divide and conquer... I sort of have to.  Do you remember those ignorant chicken sandwiches that KFC had for a while... the ones that had no bread?  Well, that's what I have in mind for the burgers... it WILL NOT be a pretty sight.  the last burgers I'll eat with the buns as regular burgers... Then the remaining lettuce and tomatoes will be eaten as a salad...

Wish me luck.

Cresent City Beignets

My brother says that I have a tendency to wax nostalgic...and that may be, but it is hard to avoid when I go to Crescent City Beignets at 2360 Westheimer.  I'm from New Orleans, but that was a long time ago, and I remember very little of my youth, but I do remember mom's homemade beignets, and when I go to Crescent City, I always think of them.

I've had beignets at some other places before and was not impressed, but Crescent City gets it right.  They are a good size, about the size of your palm.  Light and crispy on the outside... warm soft and doughy on the inside, and covered generously with powdered sugar that sticks to your lips and fingers as your eat them.

Of course, they have coffee too... full bodied, rich, chicory coffee... another culinary delight that makes me wax nostalgic.  It's a perfect pairing with the beignets.  The price isn't all that bad either. 

Christmas Duck

My friend Chips had a 1lb geoduck sent to me as a Christmas present.  You see, he follows this blog and thought that the preparation and enjoyment of a geoduck would be a nice addition to these posts... and I couldn't agree more.  I think we all hate how Christmas has become nothing more than a celebration of consumerism.  Raise your hand if you have at least one present of Christmas passed collecting dust untouched in a closet or garage... I thought so.  I thought this was a wonderful idea of Chips, to share something of the American Northwest and my interests in exploring new food experiences.  I really appreciated this early Christmas gift, unfortunately, fate is unkind and the little fella didn't make it... but I get ahead of myself...

What is a geoduck (pronounced "Gooey-duck)?  A geoduck is a very large saltwater clam that is native to the American Northwest, especially Puget Sound.  The name of the mollusk comes from a Native American dialect (Lushootseed) and it means "dig deep."  Indeed, if you want to harvest a geoduck, you do need to dig deep in the mud of the sound.  The siphon of the goeduck can be 3 feet long.  From everything that I've read, they are the most delicious clam in the world, and the good news is that you do not have to invade their natural habitat to get them; there are fisheries that raise geoduck and ship them throughout the United States.

Ever wonder how fresh seafood is shipped?  I have... The outer package is usually very obviously stamped with the words "SEAFOOD" and "PERISHABLE."  Unfortunately, the staff of my apartment complex who are usually exceptionally cool and great people, did not heed the words on the box, and did not make an exception to their rule and leave the box in my apartment.  The box stayed in their closet for 2 days.

When I got the box to my apartment, I still had hope that maybe the delicacy had made it ok... Inside the box was a decent sized icebox, and I was really hoping that the critter was still alive, because shipping must have cost Chips a ton, and I felt bad.

Inside this icebox was the geoduck.  It was double wrapped in plastic and a moist pad.  There were the remnants of ice packs inside the bags and out... but much to my dismay, all the ice was melted and the geoduck... when finally exposed... was quite dead and had a slightly bad smell.  Not a BAD reek, just enough to make me question whether it was ok to eat.  I called the people at Taylor Shellfish farms, and they agreed that if it was not alive, and older than 2 or 3 days, I should not eat it. 

Believe it or not, I've never had clams before because they have always been icky to me, but the first time I saw a goeduck, I thought it might not be slimy and icky.  Thanks again Chips, for trying to share this with me... looks like I'll just have to try it the next time I'm in Seattle.

Brew Dreams

I need to write this before the mists of memory drift away...

I tossed and turned all night with an acidic burning in my gut.  When I did sleep, I had really weird dreams... In the only one I can remember, there were kittens everywhere... kittens with butterfly wings who could not fly and refused to use the litterbox.  I was supposed to meet Imelda May for brunch, but she was late.  She was trying train one of the kittens, but she could not and ran screaming into the street and  smashed my Optima with a baseball bat.  Another women draped in flame embraced Imelda and she calmed down.  Then the woman in flames took Imelda to Coney Island and bought her a bowl of chili.

Bosnian Brew

I intend to reverse engineer coffee... but I get ahead of myself... I sit next to this guy at work... lets call him "Dan."  I often think that Joseph Conrad must have sat next to someone like Dan.  Only by regular exposure to someone who tells adventurous tales from exotic places could Conrad have gained such a thorough grasp of the literary device called "Framing."

I sit next to Dan, and one day we were talking about coffee.  He mentioned that when he was in Iraq, he knew some guys from Bosnia with a rather interesting... some may say utilitarian... way of making coffee.  He said that they would take a Styrofoam cup, put in 2 teaspoons of espresso ground coffee and 2 cubes of sugar... add hot water and stir. 

"What about the grounds?" I asked.

"They would eventually sink," replied Dan.

I had to try it...

So... I don't have Styrofoam cups, so I used a mug...  I put in 2 teaspoons of coffee and 2 sugar cubes.  I also didn't have any beans to grind, so I used Community filter ground coffee with chicory.  It ain't a freakin souffle.. right???

After that... I added boiling watter and stirred.

...and I waited...

...and I waited...

The grounds never seemed to sink.

Well, I had given it about 10 minutes or so and took a sip.. my mouth was filled with coffee grounds... I was instantly reminded why I never really took to dipping SKOAL...  I hate a mouth full of sand... Needles to say, the feeling was pretty nasty, but the flavor was AMAZING!!!  I had to find a way to drink this coffee... so I grabbed a filter and... and thought twice... wait... I'm a Bosnia partisan in the Iraqi mountains far from civilization, caring not for whom the bell tolled... I don't have any coffee filters... I get a handkerchief and strain the coffee grinds....

 
Afterwards... I was treated to one of the best cups of coffee I've ever had.  It was smooth, hardly bitter, rich and had a very full body to it along with a major caffeine kick.  ...And if you're not drinking your coffee like this, your a damned girlie man!!!!

Tornado Burger

I visited Tornado Burger of Stafford on Murphy Rd, and have to say, I was somewhat disappointed.  In 2001, The Houston Press awarded Tornado Burger the Best Burger award.  The sign outside the restaurant boasts the best philly cheesesteak... needles to say, I was rather jazzed about getting a burger here.

Inside, there are letters on the wall from alleged customers that claim extraordinary trips from far away lands merely to eat at this burger cafe... we had our doubts as to whether they were read or decoration.  We read them to the thump... thump of the potato slicer making fresh cut spuds for their seasoned fries.

I got a number 2 which is a single patty cheeseburger.  You can get it plain or spicy... I got mine spicy... of course  To make the burger spicy, they grind jalapenos into the hamburger meat.  I liked this idea, and it enhanced my anticipation of the tasty treat to come. 

Did I say I was disappointed... The burger was a little on the small side, about the size of  a Big Mac.  The veggies were fresh, but the onion was a little overpowering, drowning out any nuances of burger flavor.  As for the burger flavor, I'm not sure how they cooked the patty, but the only real flavor was the occasional zing of the jalapenos (which I  had mistaken for cayanne it was so slight).  This being said, if you go to Tornado Burger, I recommend getting the spicy.  It at least has a little more character than just a plain burger.

I had mentioned that the burger was a bit small, but you get a moderate helping of fries, so, at a cost of $5.79 for burger, fries, a drink and tax, you won't leave hungry, and you'll still have a little bit of something in your wallet.